After graduating and finding employment, she is now engaged to wed. Marrying in the temple is causing more strife in her family, and she has been emailing me with her concerns and struggles.
Unlike me when I had to make a similar decision, she is not close to her mother and family. But that does not mean she does not love them and feel badly that they are hurt at the thought of being unable to see her marriage. I know that pain - I still feel a knife in my heart when I think of leaving my mother behind in the foyer of the temple.
Yesterday she asked how I had come to my decision so I sat down and wrote down the process. (One other point not included in what I wrote was that I also believe in being obedient, and if the Lord says to marry in the temple, then I should.)
The way I made my decision was that I tried to have have eternal perspective. And my thoughts went this way:
I realized I was standing on a balance point of sorts. One of parental/husband love, one of pre-marriage/post-marriage, one of nonmember/member life. Having this perspective REALLY helped me.
Then, my thoughts went like this:
I loved my parents, and did not want to hurt them.
I loved Craig and wanted to be with him forever.
I hoped to have children who loved the gospel, valued it, lived its principles, and held on to the iron rod.
That was my tipping point. My future children and their eternal welfare.
First, I wanted them to be born in the covenant and have that swaddling them from their very first moments. Yes, I could marry civilly and then go be sealed, but what if I should become pregnant before that happened? I did not want to take any chance that my children would be born outside the temple. For their own welfare of being born in the covenant, and for the security of knowing they were mine forever.
I wanted them to marry in the temple, so I felt I should set the example for them so they'd know that, even if things were hard, it was a "pearl of great price," so valuable that it should be the priority.
I wanted them to know that I loved them SO MUCH that I would do what was necessary to ensure their well being. Even if it meant sacrificing and not having my parents with me in the temple, even if it meant it caused difficulty in my relationship with them. My priority would be to my children, my family, and their future. Not that I did not love my parents and respect the past; I just realized that I was responsible for the future of my own family.
And that was the decision maker for me. Ensuring the welfare of my future family. Showing them that the gospel was so important to me, and that I understood the ramifications it held for them - my children. My grandchildren. And those who follow.
I married in the temple.
And years later, my mom said to me, "You know, your joining the Church was the best thing that ever happened to our family."
She isn't a member, but she is now a friend of the Church. And obviously she sees its value, not only in my own growing family, but extending into my relationship with her, my siblings, etc.
But you know what? Even if things hadn't smoothed out, I still would feel that I made the right decision. When Sarah was born and I held her in my arms that very first moment after birth, I had the strongest flood of gratefulness for the temple and that she was ours forever. I will never, ever forget that rush of emotion, that spiritual reassurance of the rightness of a temple marriage. It was very, very humbling and very poignant.
And that's how I came to my decision.
My mother and father loved me and they, too, saw the bigger picture. They may not have fully understand why I was doing what I did, but they understood it was important to me and stepped back and allowed me to make that choice. (Thank you, Mom and Dad!!)
It is a decision that continues to bless my family, and will throughout the eternities.
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