Never Act in Anger

There are always two sides to every story. Sometimes more. And it is important to hear all sides of a story before taking action or, even worse, reacting. An incident at Hershey last winter illustrates how critically important this is.

I know all those involved - I know the student, a troubled boy. I know his mother, an overwhelmed woman dealing with a difficult, difficult son. The teacher is a good Christian woman and the wife of a local minister, and the student teacher, a bright shining star just beginning her career.

And that career was almost ruined before it began. Why? Because the boy lied about something that happened. And things began to build from there. The mother did not bother to ask the student teacher, the classroom teacher, or the principal what happened, but went straight to the Dean of the College of Education. And the dean never asked for the student teacher's side of the story nor the classroom teacher's, either. (That, to me, is a huge omission.)

Time has passed, things settled down, and the student teacher graduated and will have a teaching career, thank goodness. (She's REALLY good.) I'd forgotten about it until today.

This morning I was reading blogs and found a link to a new one, one that sounded religious based and was co-written by a local group of women. I clicked on what I thought was a post on adoption, but instead discovered it was actually about the incident and the mother's perspective, written the day it had happened.

We had reached a corner. We stood on a shiny new acceptable diagnosis and stood poised to have a successful school year. Until the school decided it would benefit itself with the funds a student teacher brings. They brought her to J's class. Trouble started from Day One. Anxiety, fear, depression all stemming from the loss of his teacher. Then the student teacher publicly humiliated my son.
     I put down my name, my pride, my decorum, my dignity, and only felt the familiar raging love that threatened to undo me. The email started simply, "I am J's mom. That is all you need to call me." I identified teacher, school and class. I ended with, "I will only care about your student if you care about MY STUDENT."
     The Dean of Education of Pudue University is calling me on Monday. Most of the time I recommend following appropriate channels. Most of the time I say, "Use your nice words." I always say that love wins. But sometimes that love will not be silenced, marginalized, or quieted.  Not until every piece of the puzzle fits into place.

Clearly she is in full mama bear mode and upset. VERY upset. She herself describes it as "raging love that threatens to undo me." Rage is such a dangerous emotion! And the mother concludes with a thought about every piece of the puzzle falling in place.

Except...  she's missing one or two puzzle pieces. Big ones. Perhaps that "raging love" she describes has blinded her to the other pieces. Such as, what about the student teacher's side? The teacher's side? The side of those who were in the classroom and were witnesses to what happened? She's forgotten her son's documented history of not being truthful. (Having had several run-ins with the boy myself during bus duty, I know of what I speak.)

I wish the mother had followed her own advice to follow appropriate channels. To use nice words. To make sure she has EVERY piece of the puzzle before taking action.

Surely she would want that for her son were the shoe on the other foot and he the one falsely accused?

I'm a mom, like she is. I've felt that mama bear mode, too. But when we let our anger overcome our common sense, our knowledge of doing the right thing, of "following appropriate channels," even if we believe we are doing so out of love, we risk doing harm.

The Savior speaks of being long suffering, kind, meek. Forgiving. Eschewing anger and false accusations. Wise advice, and clearly the take-away lesson from this sad incident. Never, ever act in anger. And, be sure, despite your anger and your certainty that you are in the right, that you have ALL sides of the story before taking action.

Action that could quite possibly destroy someone or their career. Because you just may be wrong.



(Note: Another misperception she has is that the school benefits from funds a student teacher brings. Cooperating teachers are paid a nominal stipend of $150. Over 10 weeks of time that the student teacher is with us, that is $15 per week. When you consider the extra work and time that hosting a student teacher causes the classroom teacher, $15 a week does not even begin to compensate the teacher for her time. )